I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
