I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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