belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
