Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
