I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
