I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
