I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
