He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
