As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
