Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I didn't shave. On purpose
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
