I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
