HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
