Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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