he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
