tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
