allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
