clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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