NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
