i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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