I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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