I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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