Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i love accidental penises.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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