You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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