After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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