Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
