Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
