and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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