Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have aggressive nipples.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
