no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
