Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
