my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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