Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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