the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
