Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
