I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
