You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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