I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
