yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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