I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
my poor anus
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
