you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
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