Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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