P.S. I can't hear my feet
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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