Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I am naked and annoyed.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
