i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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