You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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