o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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