Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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