i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
