Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
