If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my shit smells like andre
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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