Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
