She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
