so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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